Change

Why is it that people feel the need to change? Traditions are traditions. Change is not always good. I know change can bring about a new life experience but what about traditions? Traditions are meant to bring back memories of those we loved and lost. Memories that weren't captured because no one ever thought there would be a day without them.

Every year my load large Irish family picks names for "secret Santa". Its never secret and its always fun. We always pick on her birthday. And on Christmas Eve when we are all together and laughing and singing we exchange presents.

This year we didn't pick. This year we aren't picking. This year tradition dies.

What would she say about the large loving family she left behind? Would she understand why her family she loved so much was changing? Or would she be confused? Confused about why some of the family didn't make it Christmas Eve or why some of the younger family members don't feel loved anymore.

The bottom line is change is not always a good thing. Tradition is what keeps a family together. So how can you change a tradition without consent from everyone?

Wondering

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking of her.



The moon last night was big and bright. The face was there. The face in the moon that smiles down at me from time to time. I like to think its her. Her checking down on me to make sure I'm okay.



Okay?!? How would I be okay? I miss you everyday. You were the one who would wipe my tears and calm me down. But now your gone.

I hope that she looks down on me and realizes how much she meant to me. How much it meant to me that she was in my life.

So I was wondering... when someone dies is there always someone that feels like I feel? Is there always someone who feels as if life as they know it is over? And if there isn't why? Why isn't there someone for everyone? There should be. Everyone should have someone to miss them so much it hurts to think about it. That it hurts to breath on the day that it happened. That person can be anyone. A child, a parent, a grandparent, a friend, a spouse, a significant other or maybe even an aquatence. Every ones life should impact another persons so that they have someone to feel as though life is over when they die.

I hope I will have someone. Is that selfish? Isn't it better to be selfish than to not want anyone to care your gone?

Well anyway. The moon was amazing and I was just wondering about these things. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?

Music.

Music is my sanctuary. It gets me up int he morning. It holds my hand when times are bad. It reminds me that it will be okay. Music can help me through anything. And it has. Music was there when she died. Music was there when he hurt me. Music was there when he died. Music was there when they weren't. When they couldn't be. Music is my friend.

What song?

There is no one song. But many songs for each emotion and each day. Each day is like starting over and what better way to start over than with a best friend (music) at your side?

when she died Somewhere Over the Rainbow played. Oh Danny Boy played. Kind & Generous played. Ave Maria played. Those are the songs that make it come up. Make her come up.

Whats your favorite song? Do you love music? What comes up when you hear a certain song?

first one

So this is my first blog. wow that seems stupid. I bet everyone writes that for their first blog.

My reason for starting a blog is purely because of my thoughts. I need a place to get them out. A place to let them free so why not to a bunch of strangers????

I have experienced alot in my short time on this earth. I have lost my hero. My adivce giver. My storyteller. Not only have I lost her but I have lost a part of myself along the way.

So I'm going to tell you who ever you may be about myself, about my day and about how I am changing becuase she is no longer there. I cannot promise they will always make sense but I do hope it will help me be me. And maybe help someone else cope with the death of thier someone.